Death Note: Link to the Past
by DoctorChurchie
Summary: This is my first Death Note fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

Death Note: Link to the Past  
By: BDS

He stood at the bathroom sink, the water running down from the faucet, fresh water dripping from both face and hands, and just stared blankly at the mirror's reflextion.

His eyes were dull shades of grey, and his hair was as black as oil. The lids under his wild and bewildered eyes were forever blackened, from many nights with no sleep and from too many days with too much sugar.

He normally was able to describe things perfectly, but this...No this was utterly different. How could he describe in words, that wouldn't make him seem crazy, the images that he saw. He thought that he could go to his beloved friend Watari and tell him, but he then reconciled, and thought better.

So he just let the images and the words run through his lost mind:

My death!

My tomb!

My loss!

My....successor...and finally....

My enemy!

To anyone else these words would just seem to be words picked randomly out of a bad horror novel. But to him, they were the realization of a real life horror story.

Still lost in his own little world, he didn't notice when an elderly man knocked three times on the wooden door to the room. His greying-pepper hair combed back, and his attire, a nicely tailored tweed jacket and pants.

"Ryuzaki? Are you all right? You've been in here for some time."

The man named Ryuzaki gasped, his mind brought back from darkness. "Watari...I'm...I'm fine. I just had something in my eye. But it's gone now."

He said all of this while still looking down at the sink, he couldn't make eye contact because he knew that eye contact would give him away.

He then felt a thin hand gently grasp his shoulder.

"Ryuzaki I have watched you grow up since you were eight years old. And if you think that you're able to hide your fears, then I must tell you that for once, the great L, is wrong."

He felt his eyes widen in surprise. "The great L, huh? Is that what they're calling me now?"

The hand grasped harder. "Don't change the subject."

The man who went by the names Ryuzaki and now L, winced from the severity in Watari's voice.

"Now L...tell me what is wrong."

L felt his knees almost give way, his peach colored face losing all of its color and fading to ghost white.

"You know me all-too-well don't you Watari?" He tried to laugh, but was forced to stop for the fear of being ill due to his nerves. So swallowing, he began. "You must understand Watari, that this is in no way logical. But after we got hold of Higuchi's Death Note I saw these images in my head."

"What images? Describe them for me."

And just as he'd done moments before, L recited the list outloud:

"My death, my tomb, my loss, my successor and my enemy. Those are the things that I saw."

Watari sighed and gently patted L on the top of his head. "L I'm sure that you're just tired. You've gone almost two weeks without a break or any sleep. Do yourself a favor and take tonight off. You deserve it...."

"NO!"

"What?"

"No! If I take off then who will surveillance all activities that Light does? His is our numer one suspect for Kira after all."

"Don't worry. I will keep an eye on Light Yagami's movement throughout the night. Now please go, L. Go and get some rest. I'm sure that you'll wake up in the morning feeling good as new."

L was unsure. He felt certain that Light was going to prove that he was indeed Kira soon. And that he had to be ready. And seemingly reading L's mind Watari hurried L off to bed.

"In order to be ready, and person in the world must get deserved sleep."

"But...."

"No 'buts'. Now go."

L sighed and began to walk away. "Here I am almost twenty-nine years old, and you're still treating me like I'm nine."

Watari chuckled. "Well I find that however old you act, is however old you should be treated like."

"Sounds reasonable. Well goodnight, Watari."

"Goodnight, L."

The walk back to his bedroom seemed to drag on forever. The entire way his mind was reeling back and forth, going from his visions to Light.

And with each step, a single question became more and more pronounced in his mind: What if I die before the case is solved?

He still hadn't decided on who his successor would be in the instance of his death. There were so many choices, and from the way that things were looking at that time, he seemed to be facing so little time.

He would let Watari decide.


	2. Chapter 2

Once in his bed, L tossed and turned in a restless sleep.

Millions of thoughts cramming themselves inside of his mind, and questions that he'd never asked of himself, finally made their way to the surface.

_"Why'd I even become L? I knew that it would never be any good! Why do I feel like it's going to end very soon?"_

The more he tried to ease his mind, the less easy sleep seem to come.

_"No the question isn't why I became L, it's why was I __**chosen**__ to be L? What made me so special to make Watari feel like he had to choose me to be the world's leading detective while the others only had a small hope of becoming my successors? I'm sure that Near or Mello would have done just as well as becoming L..." _His thoughts drifted off and he finally opened his eyes, all sleep that had been there, was now driven off by fear.

Normally L was strong and held himself well, but alone, he was still nothing more than a mere child. Helpless, and lost in the world around him...Lost in his own mind...Slowly unweaving itself...Slowly losing itself...Slowly driving L down deeper into the depths of darkness...

So many sleepless nights...so many cases solved...L knew that he couldn't do this forever...the great L could not surpass every challenge befallen before him...at some point in time...he would lose...

And what would people think then?

How would they react when the next L would suddenly rise above the surface?

L forced his eyes to close. He couldn't take it anymore! He'd lost everything that he'd known and loved in the world when he was younger, how much more could he afford to lose now?

His life?

His friend Watari?

The fame he could do without.

But the rest...

The face that people saw was a face set in resolute determination! A man set on the final goal, the truth that would free all...but how much longer could he keep up this sharade?


	3. Chapter 3

Watari stood where he was, his withering mind jumping from question to question.

_"What have I done?"_

_"What exactly is going through L's mind?"_

_"Could L be right about Light Yagami? If so, what can I do to help?"_

Finally leaving the rather large bathroom, Watari entered the open room next door. A room filled with boxes full of sweets, and candies, a plush leather couch in one corner, and a T.V. monitoring system in the other. Portraits of a younger L, and himself perched up high on the pale green walls. This room was filled almost as tall as the boxes as it was with the feeling ofnostalgia.

Travelling back in his mind Watari went back to the day where he and L first met...That fateful Christmas Eve outside of a smoldering house, where a life's worth of dreams and memories had been destroyed in a matter of minutes.

Fresh snow was blanketing thickly across the ground, and the flickering lights from the flames danced rapidly in the shadows of the mid-day sun.

The sole survivor of the inferno stood helplessly outside of the burning house. His face covered with ash and tears. His pale blue eyes wide with fear as if he'd just witnessed something terrible.

He couldn't have been more that seven or eight years old.

The young boy seemed completely unaware of all else that was happening around him, other than his home was now gone. So it surprised him when he felt a hand grasp his shoulder gently.

Gasping he looked around, and whispered, "I didn't mean for this to happen! I was just lighting a candle...momma told me to! But...the flames..."

"It's all right, young one. Was there anyone else who escaped from the fire?"

Shaking his head, he muttered softly, "No...I was the only one...The others are still in there...momma...pappa...and my little sister and brother...But I swear I didn't mean for this to happen mister!"

"Mister?" The man laughed gently, but not at the situation but at what he'd just been called. "Now, that won't do! You may call me Watari. And what about you? What's your name?"

"My name?" He trembled. "I don't remember my name."

'Then why don't you come back and stay with me at my orphanage. There you shall be given a name. And you can meet all kinds of children just like you. Who have lost the wonders of having a family of their own." Watari whispered in comfort. He truly felt for this young nameless boy, and wanted to do all that he could to help him remember who he was exactly. "So, young man, how does that sound to you?"

"Do I really have a choice? I have no other family members that I could stay with...Momma and pappa were both only children, and my grandparents on both families are dead..."

Taking off the scarf around his neck, Watari handed it to the boy. "Here, no need for you to catch a cold." And opening up his black umbrella to shield them both from the snow, and took the young man's hand and they both took off for the Whammy House Orphanage.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, L opened his eyes and couldn't remember how long he had actually been asleep.

Whether it was five hours, or just five minutes, he couldn't decide.

But he did know one thing at least, he did feel rejuvenated, and he had to admit that he was wrong for having had even an ounce of doubt in Watari's judgment.

He would apologize to his dear friend, when he had the next chance.

However, first thing's first, he had a job that needed doing, and that job was to pin-point Kira and his exact location. He needed to find out if the Kira he'd been dealing with had been Higuchi all along, or if Higuchi had just recently obtained ownership of the Death Note, and that the power of Kira was transferable. Hoping from person to person, making the solving of the case, just that much harder.

Even at this thought, however unlikely the possibility that it was, L liked the idea of a bigger challenge.

L felt that having actually slept, his fear of failing had disappeared, along with his self-doubt of being chosen to be L. He still felt that most of the things that came along-side the name of L, he could do without. Like the fact that now that he was working head-to-head with the NPA being broadcast all over the television, was completely unnecessary. But the idea of losing Watari to Kira was almost too much to handle.

He would rather risk his life, than to use the life of his friend and father figure as a bartering chip. And Watari knew this, but he would never allow himself to leave L's side.

Standing up, L stretched out his long arms and legs, but resumed to his stooped position as soon as he was done. He never actually understood why he never stood straight like he'd seen most people do, but he knew that he wasn't what most people would call normal. In fact, he had heard a few people from the NPA whispering about how weird Ryuzaki was, and that it was hard to believe that they'd trust someone who was just so abnormal, and that they couldn't believe they were actually letting him help them in solving the Kira case.

And though he would have openly admitted to being abnormal, and weird, he would also have explained to them that this was just the way that he'd been for as long as he could remember. That however, is all that he would say.


	5. Chapter 5

Watari sat, eyes closed, facing the many illuminated computer screens. His mind not on his work, as it usually was, but rather was wondering back into ancient days.

Days that he would give anything to visit again, but knew he would never be able to do so, and he was able to accept that, for having the chance to have had such great times and to have retained such great memories at least once, was more than he could have ever hoped to obtain.

The memories that he now thought of, were more precious to him, than life itself.

He could see a small and young L, happier than when he had first met him, sitting on the floor, feet planted down, and knees drawn to his chest. Thumb and forefinger holding a pencil so precariously, it would make anyone think that it would soon slip out of his grip, and fall.

But it never did.

He used to love watching L work so vigorously on his school work, and seeing his determination showed Watari that he had made the right choice in choosing this young child to be the first L. He had never seen anyone so bent on proving that they were worthy of such a special title.

"Hey, Watari...I know I'm really not supposed to ask you for help with homework, but does this answer look right?" L whispered shyly, he wasn't used to asking for other's help, and only did so when he had no other choice.

He handed over a single sheet of paper to Watari, who instantly began to look it over, quickly reading every word that L had wrote.

Finishing, he gave L the smile of approval, "It's perfect. No less than what I had expected of you." He handed the paper back over to L who slowly walked over to where he had been sitting before, and continued on to the next problem that needed solving.

Since he had found L, Watari had noticed a few changes in the way that L acted, and he thought that it was most likely just the effects of the trauma of losing both his home and family to a fire. When they first met, L didn't walk with a hunched over back, he had sat just like any other child normally would, and he had a certain light in his eyes signifying the happiness of childhood that had since died.

Almost as if it had died with his mother, father and two younger siblings.

And Watari had made it his own personal mission to help rekindle that lost light. He had been trying to think of certain things that often make a child happy.

L didn't show any interest in toys or video games, like some of the other children in Wammy's House did. He would sometimes help Watari with some of the 5,000 piece puzzles that were kept inside the puzzle closet, but L usually grew tired of fitting together the puzzle piece by piece, never making a mistake, and would complain that it wasn't much of a challenge. Outdoor activities didn't excite him either, so that instantly ruled out field trips, zoos or even just a visit to a parks' playground. None of it did anything for L.

Mulling over the endless list of endless possibilities, Watari pulled a small hard candy out of the pocket on his tweed jacket, and as he began to pop open the seal to the plastic wrapping, L looked over. He seemed interested in what Watari had, and almost immediately walked over to stand beside the chair where Watari sat.

Chuckling, another hard candy was pulled from the pocket and handed over to L.

Opening his own candy, L quietly popped it into his mouth, let it set, and Watari watched as slowly the light that he longed to see rekindle, lit up, and was brighter than ever before.

From that day on, Watari always made sure to carry a few extra hard candies on him. Mostly they were to ensure that the light in L's eyes' would never again disappear, but also because it's what made L happy and that, was enough to make Watari happy too.


	6. Chapter 6

L dressed as quickly as he could, which was exceedingly fast considering he used only his thumb and forefinger to hold onto his clothes as he put them on. But getting dressed this way was a practiced skill, and he hadn't always been so good at it.

However, as the saying goes "practice makes perfect".

He knew that by the time he got to the Kira Investigation Headquarters main meeting spot Watari would already be there. With one of the many different types of sugary teas, that he specialized in brewing, waiting with him for L's arrival.

Another person waiting for L to show up would be Light Yagami, L's number one suspect of being Kira, but also a person that L had grown to think of as a friend, despite the probability that he was also his greatest enemy at the time.

And entering the room where everyone met up, L's eyes first landed on Watari who stood beside the leather swivel chair that L normally sat in, and as expected, he held a silver serving tray on one hand, and another tray full of a large assortment of sugary delights for L to consume.

Seeing both the delicious tea and sweets everyday was nearly enough to take away his breath. Sweets were to him as meth was to a drug addict. One day without either the tea or candy, and L would be thrown into a spiral of shakes and tremors as the sugar left his system.

"Hey, Ryuzaki, heard you had a rough night….care to tell me about what happened?" Light asked curiously as L took the seat next to his. The look on his face was nothing but concern, but L felt that there was more hidden under the surface than Light was letting on about.

"Nothing but a bad candy, that's all it was."

"Then are you sure you're up to eating again so soon?"

Almost as if to give Light the obvious answer, L plucked one of the cinnamon coated animal graham crackers from the top of the pile of sweets and tossed it into his mouth. Chewing every last savory crunch out of it.

Light laughed quietly. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised." He continued to work on the research of recent deaths of criminals thought to have been killed by Kira, but still spoke to L, "What would you do if all the sweets in the world just vanished?"

Popping two more sweets, this time a couple of dangos off of a skewer, and into his mouth, he spoke without even bothering to chew first, "Don't be ridiculous, Light! A world without sweets is no world at all! Haven't I told you that for anyone's brain to function, it needs a sugar supply of at least 100 grams." He tossed another of the dangos in, "You're obviously not getting enough."

L continued to consume every single one of the sweets that were set on the desk before him; all the while he worked with his own research.

"_If Light is Kira, which there is a 97% chance of being true, then when will he _make_ his intentions known?" _L thought as he looked from the corner of his eyes over at Light, who was, no undoubtedly, doing the same thing, only looking in L's direction. _"How long will you keep me waiting, Kira?"_


	7. Chapter 7

Light waited until all of the NPA members who were working on the Kira Case left, leaving the only people to remain in the room to be L, Watari and himself. For the day to end like this was normal and Light would usually take this to be his leave, and head up to his room just a few floors above the room that he was currently in.

But tonight, he had other things in mind.

He had decided, just before people had started to show up at headquarters, that he would have a discussion with the owner of the Death Note recovered from Higuchi. He decided that it was time to talk with Rem.

Rem was a kind hearted Shinigami compared to some of the others, and Light knew what Rem's one weakness was, and that she would do anything in her power to protect that weakness.

A certain girl.

Misa Amane. Before Higuchi, Rem was Misa's Shinigami, but was forced to leave her when she gave up the ownership of her Death Note.

And giving up her Death Note, Misa had lost all memories of Rem, and of being the second Kira, who L was working just as hard to find as he was the first Kira.

Light would claim to Rem that he needs her to do something for him, because he knows that L still suspects Misa of being the second Kira, despite her release and L saying that all suspicions had been dropped.

He would tell Rem that L is planning to capture Misa, and have her silenced. He knew that the kind Shinigami would never stand for this, and would have no choice but to do what it is that Light asked of her.

Even if what Light said was a lie. It didn't matter to him, just so long as he progressed even further towards the perfect crime free world that he longed for.

With his greatest obstacle soon to be out of his way, nothing would be able to stop him now.


	8. Chapter 8

L sat across from Watari as they slid their chess pieces across the board, the soft clinks as pieces were set in place, was a calming and familiar noise to L. "You know, I've never once beat you, no matter how hard I try."

Smiling, just as his Rook took out L's Bishop, Watari replied, "I never plan on going easy on you."

"I guess you're right." He thought about what he could do to make his next move count, but didn't see much of an opening, he accepted another defeat and smiled, "Looks like you win again."

"Would you like to play another match?" Watari said just as he was resetting the board.

"No, I'd think not…" Jumping from his seat, L slowly began to walk away from the chess table and stared blankly at the monitors. _"I feel as though we won't get many more days together…I fear that it's going to end, all too soon…."_

He slowly turned back to face Watari, and put on his best smile, "Watari, do you remember the day that Near and Mello arrived at Wammy's?"

"Almost as clearly as I remember the day that we met." The wrinkled skin that clung to his cheeks rose with his grandfatherly smile. "I remember that they fought with one another to get a turn to spend time with you."

"Yeah, I remember." L closed his eyes and thought back, the day in memory painting a picture perfectly in his mind. "It was early spring, and they were both younger than I was when I arrived. Near loved puzzles that involved numbers and he absolutely loved robots…Mello, he adored chocolate…I can see him now, standing there, blonde hair tucked behind his ears, and a chocolate bar in his hands."

L sighed with sadness and longing, "He would always get mad at Near if he didn't win….And soon everything became a competition between the two of them. Who could brush their teeth first. Who could get the highest grade on a test." He paused and whispered, "I love them both though. They easily became my adopted brothers."

In his mind he saw both Near and Mello standing, side-by-side, Mello with his blonde hair, and Near with his snow white. Both would make a fine successor, but L knew that he could only choose one, however that could wait. He had had enough sadness the past two days that he just wanted to spend some time and reminisce.

He looked over at Watari who was slowly nodding his head, was he seeing the same things that L was? But then Watari slowly spoke, "I was worried about Mello. Afraid that he'd get so caught up in winning against Near that he'd lose sight of some of the more important things. That's when Matt showed up, and Mello had a friend."

"At least they all have each other to depend upon in the end. They'll be able to decide who will be the best choice as the next L."

Watari's smile faded, and was calm when he responded, "This is true, but there is time in the future to discuss our options."


	9. Chapter 9

Rem looked sickeningly down at her Death Note that she held onto, her bone white fingers, skeletal in shape, but not quite so, clenching the notebooks binding. Her eyes narrowed and then closed. "Light Yagami, for you to go to such lengths as to get your way, I must say that even I am surprised."

With her pencil in hand, she opened the Death Note to the first page possible, and with a great hate in her voice, she whispered threateningly, "Know this! You may swear that you love Misa, but to what extent would you go to save her life? Would you give your own life up in order to let her live?" Rem shook her head sadly, "I would think not. For you are the worst kind of human being alive, and are far more ruthless than even a Shinigami could ever think of being."

Looking down at the blank pages of the Death Note she began to scrawl down the first name: _Quillish Wammy; cause of death: Heart attack._

And as the first bits of Rem began to crumble away, she quickly wrote down the second of the names: _L. Lawliet; cause of death: Heart attack._

The Death Note fell from her hands and landed on the floor, closed, and names hidden from the world. "If these two names are the last ones to ever be written within my Death Note, then I hope you're happy…I hope you get your crime free world…But as long as you still live, there will always be one criminal who remains."

Rem's body began to erode away quicker, and she knew that her time was ultimately limited, so with eyes closed tight, she whispered, "Misa, find happiness in this world."

Her words faded away just as the sirens sounded outside the doors where she had stood.


	10. Chapter 10

The moment that Watari spoke of still having the future to discuss options, his eyes grew wide, and his left hand clutched at his chest.

L stood by, watching helplessly as his best friend fell from his chair and landed limply on the floor. There was no need for him to ask whether it was mere coincidence or not, L knew that this was Kira's doing, and that he, himself, had no more than a minute left to live.

Just as Watari fell to the floor, the automatic doors to the room slid open, and L saw Light saunter casually in. Taking in the scene, his attention turned from Watari, lying motionless, and beyond saving next to the chess table, to L, who stared helplessly back at Light, like a lost child would when trying to find a parent.

"Ryuzaki…what happened?"

Keeping quiet, L slowly walked over to stand beside his lost friend's body. The tears that he longed to cry, evaded him, and the only thing he could do was to shut Watari's eyes, which had frozen open in fear.

The clock was ticking, and every second that past seemed to L like a second wasted. But it was all over now.

"Light…." L felt a sharp pain in his chest and couldn't finish what he was saying; he slowly sank to his knees and fell onto his side. He wanted to scream in agony, but his voice was lost. All he could do was lie there in pain, and wait to die. And while his eyes could still see, he silently scanned the room, and when he'd found his target, he conveyed a wordless message. _"Even if I'm gone, there will be others to take my place. I knew that it was you all along, Light Yagami…I just couldn't find the right evidence to prove it…."_

The world around L began to fade, slowly blackening in at the edges, and slowly closing in. He tried to breathe, but couldn't gratify the ache in his lungs as they begged for air.

"Looks like it's all over L," Light sneered just as L's vision finally gave out, leaving him in darkness.

With the last few seconds of his life quickly draining away, L thought of those that he was leaving behind, and those who would maybe soon follow. He thought of the promise that he'd made to himself to apologize to Watari for not believing his judgment, _"Watari, it looks like I've failed after all. I guess, this case was just too big for me to take. I'd like to say I'm sorry, for not believing you last night. Sleep really was all I needed…and maybe now, a little bit longer left to live...But see you on the other side my friend, at least, I got to leave this world with you…."_

L's heart stopped beating, and went silent. The world's greatest detective had been defeated, by the cruelest of all criminals.


End file.
